Have you ever wondered how it is convenient for someone to offend another person for 490 times? Like,  is that not outrageous? In this very blog, ill be discussing that famous bible verse from two perspectives.  Let's see the bible verse first 

Matthew 18:21-22  .. Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Peter was being honest here.  Take note that he was even talking about somebody who was expected to be his  "brother ". This goes beyond one's biological brother.  It also means those who are in the body of Christ with us. For him to mention seven times,  he was being honest.  We are going to break the two parties involved into two 

1. The person who has refused to change!

Honestly speaking,  Trauma training has made me to see a lot of wrong behavioral patterns put up by those identifying as christians. The things we won't take or do to non Christians,  are done and covered up with christianity.  It's like a lot of people are seeing irrationality and inappropriate behaviours as normal because people will validate it. 

Anyone who can do a wrong thing consecutively for 490 times is going to need a divine encounter to change.  As a therapist,  I'm not going to tag it as a narcissistic disorder.  But i will suggest some descriptions about it

* OCD : It's possible there is an obsessive compulsive disorder in place.  It's becoming natural and usual for such people to repeat that action.  They may never say sorry because they have validated it by themselves or from others like them that it's fine.  And if they apologize,  it's fake 

* Sadism :  A sadist derives pleasure from inflicting pain or humiliation on others. Otherwise,  why would they repeat such offensive behaviors unstoppably. The doing of evil feels good to them because it seems satisfying to their never satisfied ego. It gives them a sense of power and control which leads to pride which comes before the fall.

* Abuse : If someone displays a pattern of this kind of behavior, intentionally doing things to hurt you, this is abuse. It becomes worse if it's a combination of emotional,  verbal and physical abuse! 

* Psychopathy: People with psychopathy derive pleasure from the pain of others, with a complete lack of empathy that can overlap with a sadistic profile, in which someone feels joy from inflicting pain upon others. 

There are lots of examples in the bible but let me mention the case of Lot.  He emotionally abused Abraham because he was taken as a son by him. I did an elaborate analysis of this toxic relationship in the book I'm publishing soon for TTC COUPLES.  The abuse of access spread to his men who began to make trouble with the men of Abraham.  To his surprise,  Abraham put a stop to it by asking for their separation.  He was overstretched. 

2. The person who keeps forgiving. 

It's unfortunate that believers will offend fellow believers AND EXPECT THEM not to get angry.  And if they do,  they would be named.  So,  the reason why you are not complaining may be because of your fear of not making heaven if Jesus comes now.  I don't want to do Anger Management here because it's elaborate on its own.  But let's see what it means to wait until one person offends us for 490 times. 

* Masochism : This is when a person takes pleasure in pain. Masochism is the opposite of sadism, which involves getting turned on by hurting people. Masochists like getting hurt. It's like the people of Israel who preferred to go back to Egypt and suffer when God Himself had seen their affliction and prayer for deliverance. Some ladies won't break from abusive relationships despite the red flags.  But when the reality dawns on them after the wedding,  they may have no choice than to stay in that abusive environment.  It's not just in marriages and we also have abusive ladies who cause pain for their fiancees.

* Attention seeking even if it's negative ones from you: Some people like the negative attention they receive while being mean towards others. Sometimes, in the absence of any available positive attention, negative attention acts as a stand in for the attention that the person needs. So,  check yourself if you are not causing or triggering such behaviors from them.

* Learned helplessness : This  is the worst.  It happens when someone repeatedly faces difficult situations and starts believing they have no control over the outcome, even when change is possible. This mindset has led to feelings of powerlessness, low self-esteem, and even depression. In psychology, it's  a mental state in which an organism is forced to bear aversive stimuli, or stimuli that are painful or otherwise unpleasant. It becomes unable or unwilling to avoid subsequent encounters with those stimuli, even if they are “escapable,” presumably because it has learned that it cannot escape it (Britannia).

Guess what? That is what several people think that bible verse means.  Looking at it from the angle of Therapy,  i can tell you to check yourself to see why you have agreed to be offended forever by someone who doesn't want to change? Why not seek therapy for the two of you!. Or at least for yourself!

Paraphrasing what Jesus said,  i can say that it means 

"If someone has decided to never change their wrong behaviors towards you,  become emotionally ready to withstand it almost forever "

It takes wisdom to ask if such relationships are must in your life! Go for therapy especially if it's about marriage or family members! Don't forget,  the more you validate the wrong from fellow believers and Christians,  the more you are permitting those who not in Christ to do so to you! And if you refuse to stop offending people,  how will you preach the gospel with your character?. 

I am a professional Christian Therapist.  Online and online invitations are welcomed, including therapy sessions bookings.  Please drop your comments even if you want to remain anonymous. 

Momma ✝️📖🍀

When we read the first part of Hosea 4:6 critically,  we would pin out a serious issue from it

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge

It didn't just say that there was lack of knowledge,  it gave the reason! The knowledge was there,  but God's people rejected it,  so they lacked it. 

I was a pastoral counselor for over eighteen years in ministry,  until the Lord instructed me to go and train how to professionally Counsel.  The last two years has been a journey of transformation,  renewal and redirection.  

Depression,  Anxiety,  and Trauma requires professionalism if it would be effective.  Indeed, Wisdom and Knowledge is mightier than strength. 

The need for professionalism in Christian counseling,  especially in the Church in Nigeria,  is of great benefits. 

We train Church counselors and every Christian about Christian Therapy which is professional pastoral counseling and care. 

Just send us a message here or through the contact form and details. 

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Christian Therapist Olufunke Lawrence